I admit it: that title was a little click baity. There are no “crappy” reasons or “ideal” reasons for a man to explore Tantra. But, I’ll bet you put yourself somewhere on the judgement spectrum, because that’s what we do in our culture. And that judgement can be hard to shake. I’m guessing that’s why the title appealed to you.
So what is the reason are you attracted to Tantra? And what does your adjective reveal about you?
Some of those reasons may not seem very noble. Maybe you want the thrill of mind-bending sex. Some are reasons are practical. Maybe you’re trying to pump life into a routine but otherwise loving marriage. Some reasons are desperate. Maybe you and your lover aren’t going to make it if you don’t find something different quick. Some reasons are quietly brave. Maybe you are finally willing to explore the darkest darkness within you, and heal it.
And here’s the unexpected truth Tantra offers us right from the start:
There is no wrong reason to be drawn to Tantra.
What matters isn’t really why you arrive—it’s how willing you are to meet yourself once you’re here. Because once you accept right where you are, that’s when Tantra can change your life.
Let’s take a look at some of the most common reasons men choose to explore Tantra, what those reasons say about them, and–assuming you see yourself–how to fulfill those reasons in a way that rocks your world.
Why you choose Tantra is far less important than how willing you are to accept your desire without judgment. That’s where the real ride begins.
— Dakini Leah
The “Crappy” Reasons (a.k.a. the Honest Ones)
More often than you might think, men find themselves feeling trapped in sexless relationships. It’s usually in mid life when couples are beyond wanting more children when men receive subtle messages of you shouldn’t want to have so much sex. A perfect storm tends to be brewing within these relationships with menopause symptoms making women feel less sexy, the stress of raising a family, the momentum of every day life sweeping one sexless night into another. Men receive the message that they must remain monogamous even while not getting their needs for sex met. Many men look to Tantra because it’s a way to at least talk about:
- Better sex
- Techniques for pleasuring a woman
- Longer-lasting erections
- The ability to “last for hours”
- Permission to explore taboo desires
- Sexual variety or intensity
- A way to make sense of porn use or attraction to sex workers without shame.
If this is you, let me give you a reframe and blow the shame right out of the water:
Your sexual desire is not the problem.
Why? The masculine feels love through sexual energy. Please let that sink in. Your desire for sexual expression is your desire to give and receive love. You were built that way. Wanting pleasure, novelty, potency, or erotic mastery are distinct, purposefully-designed masculine traits.
For some men, the word Tantra offers a kind of spiritual permission slip. It sounds better than “I’m horny,” “I’m confused,” or “I don’t know what to do with my desire.” And beautiful man, that’s okay.
Tantra doesn’t demand that your desire be socially acceptable before you show up. Tantra doesn’t require that your wife be on board. Tantra invites you to explore your sexual desires and notice something vital: how fulfilled you feel.
The Practical Reasons (and the Relational Ones)
Other men are in relationships that otherwise seem great. Maybe you two are the best of friends, but you feel like you’ve hit a barrier to expansion. Maybe that barrier is getting painful, and one or both of you is restless. You may even have explored non-monogamy, but it doesn’t satisfy that deeper hunger. These men arrive at Tantra because something important is fading:
- Their relationship has gone flat
- Sex feels rote, obligatory, empty or scant
- Emotional closeness has been replaced by routine
- They’re wondering how to navigate getting older with outdated scripts for how to make love
These men aren’t looking for thrills—they’re looking for repair.
They sense that sex could be more connective, more alive, more meaningful . . . if only they knew how to access it.
Tantra often appears at exactly this crossroads: when sexual technique alone isn’t enough, but avoidance feels like a slow death. This is where Tantra invites you to explore frontiers you could never even imagine, things that seem like “secrets” now.
The “Ideal” Reasons (Where Transformation Begins)
Then there are the men who come for something deeper. Let me reiterate that this is not a more sacred path–it’s just deeper and rarer. These are the men who sense sexual energy is for more than physical pleasure or even creating a bond, but for healing the pain lurking in the mystery of themselves.
These are often men who have already done therapy. They have language for their wounds. They can name their patterns. They’ve learned emotional literacy and accountability.
And still—something remains unfinished.
These men aren’t just trying to fix their sex lives. They’re trying to reclaim exiled parts of themselves.
They want:
- Healing that reaches their bones, not just the mind
- A restoration of psychic wholeness that releases the brake on every aspect of themselves
- A way to meet their darkness with radical self-love
- A direct experience of the True Self they’ve glimpsed in therapy or in love making.
These men are willing to look into their own inky inner darkness with the terrifying light of extreme self-acceptance. They hear the ancient call of the temple healers from lifetimes ago, when as a culture, humans understood the healing power of sacred sexual energy. A man who longs for sex to heal his wounded psyche is willing to step outside the belief system handed to him by religion or convention, and uncover his own truth.
The Tantric Truth: There Is No Wrong Reason
Here’s where Tantra takes you off-roading to some of the most beautiful vistas most men never discover:
Tantra does not ask you to purify your desire before you enter.
It asks you to honor your desire consciously.
To pursue it with:
- Full self-awareness
- No self-judgment
- A commitment to not harming yourself or others
What your reason for exploring Tantra actually says about you is not whether your desire is lofty or crude—it reveals the depth of your willingness to honor yourself honestly.
From “crappy” to “ideal,” the real question is this:
Can you love yourself enough to say yes to your reason—exactly as it is—while remaining open to what it may teach you?
If the answer is yes, then you have already stepped onto the Tantric path.
How to Know What Kind of Guidance You Need
As you explore your reason for wanting to study Tantra, notice what resources you’re drawn to.
- For some men, a book is the perfect place to start.
- For others, a class description lights something up in the body.
- And when self-guided paths feel too generic or no longer feed your specific hunger, it’s time for something more personalized.
Tantra is not a one-size-fits-all path. The right guide, container, or teaching meets you where you are—without shaming where you began–and nourishes your mind, body, and spirit.
If you’re curious, I invite you to explore my Recommended Resources page and notice which title calls to you. Attraction is data.
And if you find yourself wanting a more direct, embodied, relational experience, that may be the moment to consider private sessions with a Dakini—someone trained to hold sexuality, power, and integrity in the same breath. If you’re wondering if that’s right for you, check out my orientation.
Men’s Orientation: The Devoted Masculine
Sexuality • Power • Integrity
Friday, January 30 | 7:00 PM MTN
Live on Google Meet + Replay Available
$44
Have you ever wondered if Tantra can fulfill that pervasive hunger? A hunger for sex that makes you feel loved and revitalized? A hunger for intimacy that meets you as you age? Maybe you sense that sacred sexual energy can take you beyond pleasure and bonding, into an unspeakable depth of healing–independent of your partner?
This orientation is for men who sense that sexuality is a doorway that can change their lives—and who want to explore that doorway with integrity, clarity, and radical love.
This is not a workshop.
This is not technique training.
This is not sexual instruction.
This is an invitation to go off-roading into the sacred possibilities that can fulfill your hunger.
In this 60–75 minute live orientation, we’ll explore:
• Why sexual desire isn’t the problem
• Why suppressing desire fails—even for “good men”
• What Tantra actually is (and what it is not)
• What healthy masculine power looks like–and deserves
• How sexuality becomes a guide into your next level of personal and relationship expansion
This orientation is designed to help you discern—calmly and honestly—whether this path is right for you.
This orientation is for men who:
• Have done therapy and want embodied integration
• Are curious, self-reflective, and open-minded
• Want to bring their minds, bodies, and spirits into their expansion
• Are willing to slow down and go deeply inward
This orientation is not for men looking for:
• A safe place to “kick tires” and talk about sex
• Erotic entertainment
• Sexual techniques without context
• Intensity without integration
No judgement–you just won’t find what you’re looking for here.
✔️ No sexual practices will be taught
✔️ Live attendance or replay available
✔️ Required first step before deeper work
If you feel steadier rather than hyped, clearer rather than urgent, you’re likely in the right place.
Registration: $44
Location: Google Meet (link sent after registration)
I’m Dakini Leah. I guide spiritually mature, high-integrity men who have done the inner work but still carry trauma in their bodies to reclaim exiled power, integrate sexuality and spirituality, and restore peace, intimacy and creative vitality–often deepening their marriages and lives in the process.
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