By Dakini Leah, CTSE, CMedT, B.A. Psy.
There is something quietly heartbreaking happening in our culture.
Women are aching to talk about sex.
Not just the mechanics of it. Not the glossy magazine version. Not the performative version offered up by movies or social media.
The real version. The tender, confusing, beautiful, painful, holy version.
The version that includes grief over a marriage that slowly lost touch. The longing to feel desired again. The mystery of changing bodies in menopause. The secret fantasies tucked away in hidden drawers of the psyche. The pleasures we’ve discovered, the disappointments we’ve endured, and the desires still humming softly beneath the skin, waiting for permission to bloom.
And yet—where do women go to talk about these things? Especially women over 50?
Our culture does not offer many safe places to reveal the vulnerable truths we carry around sexuality. In fact, once women cross into midlife, sexuality itself often becomes taboo. We are quietly expected to disappear into sensible shoes and silence.
But the body does not forget itself so easily.
Inside many women lives a vibrant sensual self still longing to be seen, known, and expressed. She may be grieving. She may be confused. She may be wildly alive. But she is still there.
And she deserves a voice.
What Happens When Women Speak the Truth?
Something miraculous begins to unfold when women gather in safe, confidential circles to bare their erotic truths.
Sorrows, when spoken aloud in loving company, begin to air out. They soften. What once felt unbearably heavy becomes lighter when held by compassionate witnesses.
Pain shared is often pain halved.
And desires?
Ah, desires are funny creatures.
What once felt outrageous, impossible, embarrassing, or “too much” suddenly becomes surprisingly human when another woman quietly says:
“Oh my goodness . . . me, too.”
A longing once hidden in shame suddenly becomes imaginable.
Accessible.
Even sacred.
In trusted circles, the God-given sensuality within us slowly comes out of hiding and takes its rightful place as a blossoming garden of possibilities.
Why a Circle is Sometimes Easier than Talking to Partners
Many women carry longings or vulnerabilities around sexuality that they struggle to share even with their beloved partners, beecause sexuality is tender territory.
Many women quietly worry:
He won’t understand.
He’ll feel hurt.
He’ll be offended.
He’ll think I’m strange.
He’ll be shocked by what I truly carry.
And sometimes those fears are justified.
Many men haven’t been trained how to listen without fixing, defending, personalizing, or becoming overwhelmed. They don’t know that. woman’s truth can be held without them having to change anything. This doesn’t make them bad partners. It means women need spaces where our truth can breathe, and women’s circles–when they are consciously-designed–are the safe place to be vulnerable and honest.
The Circle That Started It All
As a sexuality educator who works one-on-one with women, I am privileged to hear some of the most beautiful longings carried quietly in women’s hearts.
One woman in particular invited me out for coffee. She leaned in and confessed something vulnerable: “I wish there were a safe place where women could just talk about sex.” Everything about sex. Past relationships. What felt pleasurable. What felt painful. What still felt confusing. The desires she longed to experience before she got too old.
She already belonged to a women’s group, but she didn’t feel she could open up there. Confidences weren’t always kept. The more social women seemed to dominate the conversation. She felt like no one was really listening to her.
Two weeks later , another woman shared a nearly identical longing. That got my attention.
I remember thinking, If women are quietly carrying this hunger, perhaps something sacred is asking to be born.
And so, I created the Erotic Wisdom Salon.
The Birth of the Erotic Wisdom Salon
We began simply. Five women. Six sessions. A talking stick. Anything-goes conversations about sex. For two hours, we sat in ceremony together. We pledged confidentiality. We committed to listening deeply.
One woman spoke while the others simply witnessed. No interrupting. No fixing. No competing. No unsolicited advice. Just the radical act of being fully heard.
To be honest, I wasn’t sure how deeply women would open, but I was in for a surprise.
Instant magic.
What had been hidden in hearts for decades began pouring forth. Stories that had never been spoken aloud before. Struggles articulated for the first time. Desires stirring in silence. Grief around bodies, aging, touch, heartbreak, pleasure, and longing.
We witnessed one another and loved one another. The level of depth women were willing to dive into head first shocked me, and I knew I needed to keep up. So I added added meditations, gentle menopause yoga, journaling, consensual touch exercises.
Something more than a discussion group emerged. Now we had mystery school, a sanctuary for sensual truth.
One woman looked at me one evening and simply said:
“I really need this.”
Another confessed:
“I don’t want it to be over.”
And because I have learned to trust the longings of women, I am already creating another Salon.
Is the Erotic Wisdom Salon Right for You?
Truthfully? This circle is not for every woman.
The Erotic Wisdom Salon is designed for women willing to listen as deeply as they speak. Women willing to honor confidentiality. Women ready—at least in some small way—to gently meet their sexuality with honesty rather than shame.
If a woman dominates conversations, struggles to hold confidences, or feels deeply unwilling to explore sexuality openly, the Salon is not the right fit.
This is why every woman completes an application before joining. If accepted, she receives confirmation and an invitation into the circle.
The Truth About Women Thriving in Midlife
At a time when loneliness and isolation are at all-time highs, trusted female confidants are vital medicine –the difference between merely surviving and truly thriving in our third season. In days past, this community was something women could rely on, but in our present culture, it’s community we intentionally create.
I believe women were never meant to be women in isolation. Feminine energy loves to gather, to speak truth reverently, to laugh and grieve in community for good reason: it’s how we nourish ourselves.
Women need safe, loving community to be vulnerable and authentic. This is how sensual wisdom takes root within us.
— Dakini Leah
Interested in the next Erotic Wisdom Salon?
Applications are now being accepted for the next Salon. If your heart quietly whispered yes while reading this, trust that whisper. Your sensual wisdom may already be calling you home.
The salon is six, two hour sessions happening in Grand Junction, CO on Thursday evenings. Cost is $145. A portion of the proceeds benefits the Western Slope Center for Children, which supports recovery for victims of child sexual abuse.
I’m Dakini Leah
I help women over 50 struggling with their sexuality understand what sacred sexuality is and reclaim their innate sensual natures so they can overcome anxiety and depression, discover their orgasmic potential, and create deeply intimate connections.
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