When you hear the phrase “making love,” what comes to mind? For many, it’s a phrase loaded with expectation—shaped by a lifetime of messages from culture, family, religion, and past relationships. In this article I explore how that messaging could be infiltrating your sex life and what you can do about it.
You’re in midlife now, and maybe you’ve never really asked yourself this pivotal question. When you hear the phrase “making love,” what comes to mind?
For many, it’s a phrase loaded with expectation, shaped by a lifetime of messages from culture, family, religion, and past relationships. These messages hum in the background of our consciousness like ghost codes—subtle, unspoken, and influential. For those who practice Tantra, it’s important to unearth the ghost codes and become aware of what making love really means. When we do, we discover something you may have been hungry for your whole life: expression of your deepest truth and cosmic soul connection.
So let’s get started. Do any of these hidden messages sound familiar to you?
Hidden Messaging About Sex
Messages about sex are hiding in plain sight in our culture, religion, our families of origin, even previous relationships.
Culturally, men are taught that making love affirms their prowess, virility, and even status. Women, on the other hand, are often taught that their sexuality is a measure of their desirability, tied tightly to youth and beauty.
Religiously, we may be taught that lovemaking is sacred—only when tied to marriage or reproduction. Passion that exists for its own sake is suspect, even sinful. Pleasure that doesn’t lead to procreation? That’s selfish, or at least not as wholesome. And yet, the soul knows otherwise.
In our families, we may have received unspoken messages about what “good girls” or “real men” do in the bedroom. Whether directly taught or absorbed from the airwaves around us, these internalized beliefs can follow us into adulthood—and haunt us as we age.
Previous lovers may have sent us messages that we were not good lovers, not sensitive enough, or not worthy of love. Even if intellectually we know those messages were about our ex’s and not us, the messages can still ring deep chords within our psyches creating cacophony in our present relationships.
Taking all this history into account, here’s the real question:
What does making love mean to you now, in this season of your life?
The Second Spring
As our bodies age and change, the old definitions may not serve us. If sex once meant a surging drive and a throbbing erection—but now you’re navigating erectile shifts or menopause—then your lovemaking must evolve, too.
Really hear me when I say this: it’s not a tragedy. It’s an opportunity.
Lovemaking, when redefined consciously in midlife, becomes even more beautiful than ever before. The Taoists called it the Second Spring.
Making love becomes slower. Deeper. More spiritual. Orgasm takes on a different meaning and shows up in surprising ways.
Lovemaking becomes a sacred dance of presence. A way of saying, I see you. I choose you. I cherish you.
In the work I do with midlife couples, I often describe this shift like this:
- For the masculine, lovemaking becomes a way to feel love.
- For the feminine, lovemaking becomes a surrender to feeling safe and radically cherished.
Wouldn’t you love for this to be what lovemaking means for you?
Want to Explore What Love Making Means to You?
Awareness is the key to understanding what lovemaking means for you. As you ask yourself the following questions, look for layers and depth. How do these questions feel in your body when you ask them? What emotions come up for you? As you work in your journal, follow the questions to the deeper questions. How do you feel about your answers? Be brave and go to the roots.
- When I hear “making love,” what do I truly picture?
- What messages about sex did I receive from my family? My religion? My culture? From previous lovers?
- Which of those messages do I still carry—and which ones no longer serve me?
- Do I view sex as a duty? A performance? A sacred experience?
- What do I crave from physical intimacy now?
- What would making love feel like if it were a spiritual experience?
- Does making love mean the same thing every time?
- Do I need things to be “just right” before I can say yes to making love? What are those things?
- Am I a rut with lovemaking? Does it unfold in pretty much the same way every time? Am I ready for something different and fresh?
Sex for Hours in Midlife
These are just a few of the questions we explore in my 12-session Sex for Hours coaching series for couples over 50. In this sacred container, we learn how to redefine intimacy, deepen connection, and reclaim pleasure—at any age.
We even cover how to literally make love for hours—without needing to be “hot and ready” all the time.
Curious? You can apply for a free discovery session to see if the series is right for you.
Making love doesn’t have to be about performance. It doesn’t have to be about youth, drive, cultural standards, or the unconscious messaging of your past.
It is about you—your beloved, your bodies, your truth. Live in Tantra. Be LIT.
I’m Dakini Leah. I help heart-centered people use their sacred sexual energy for healing, intimacy, and overcoming anxiety and depression so they can love and be loved more deeply than they could ever imagine.
Contact me to see if you qualify for a complimentary discovery session.
970-242-5094
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