How a simple monthly ritual became my gateway to inner wisdom, sacred stillness, and the quiet truth of my body
Yoni steaming, for me, is not about setting aside time to be sexual. It is not even primarily about building my erotic potential as I age, although I certainly have no objection to that.
Yoni steaming is about listening.
Over the years, I have learned that my yoni is far more than an altar of erotic pleasure. She is a gateway to spiritual wisdom. She is directly connected to my deepest truth, to Source, and to the kind of insight that does not arrive through analysis, overthinking, or a frantic internet search.
She knows things. The challenge is becoming quiet enough to hear her.
Stepping Out of the Noise
Nearly every waking moment of modern life seems to demand something from me.
There are messages to answer, appointments to remember, meals to prepare, bills to pay, people to care for, and always three different tasks I’m attempting to finish at the same time.
Then there are the cruel posts on Facebook, the stressful nightly news, and the endless noise of people telling me what to fear, what to buy, how to look, and why I’m apparently doing everything wrong.
Yoni steaming allows me to step out of all of that. It is a return to my primal, quiet self.
The benefits begin before I ever sit over the steam. They begin when I prepare my bathroom for the ritual. I clear away the clutter. I lower the lights. I light candles and put on meditation music. These simple actions signal to my nervous system that it is safe to slow down.
Nothing is chasing me.
Nothing needs to be solved this very minute.
For the next little while, I am not available for performance.
I am returning to myself.
The Scent of Herbs and Childhood Freedom
When I open my packet of steaming herbs, a gentle, earthy aroma rises into the air.
The scent reminds me of hay, which carries me back to friendly horses and the long summer days of freedom I knew as a child. Before the responsibilities. Before the bills. Before I learned to measure my value by how much I could accomplish in a day.
Then I pour boiling water over the herbs. The rising steam brings a touch of magic into the room. It curls upward like an invitation from another world—or perhaps from a much older part of this one.
When I settle my yoni over the steam, my attention becomes focused.
I am no longer multitasking. I am not trying to meditate while mentally composing an email and wondering whether I remembered to move the laundry into the dryer.
I am of one mind. The steam finds my body in a sacred way. I can feel my yoni relaxing and opening. She knows this is a safe place for her.
She knows I will not allow the steam to become too hot. She knows she will not be asked to perform, produce pleasure, please a partner, or offer herself for anything other than this moment of reverence.
For these few precious minutes, she is not being used.
She is being worshipped. Maybe that sounds like a strong word to you. “Worship” is a church word, and I never, ever heard a pastor talk about a vagina being sacred! But setting up a ritual to honor Her, recognizing She has a voice and listening quietly to its wisdom, acknowledging Her connection to the Divine, offering my full and undivided attention–that’s holy.
My First Yoni Steam Was in a Toilet
My first yoni steam was not particularly glamorous. I used a mini crockpot placed inside my drained toilet.
Yes, you read that correctly.
First, I scrubbed the toilet. Then I drained it, draped it with a clean towel, and carefully balanced the little crockpot at the bottom of the bowl so the steam would rise evenly. A special trip to the store had to be made for expensive organic sprigs of rosemary. (Still cheaper than a spa day, I reminded myself.)
It was a ridiculous amount of work. But I did it because I deeply needed connection.
At that time, I felt consumed by the heaviness of single motherhood. I was trying to make ends meet, dating men who were not especially awake, and feeling isolated from the kind of community I longed for.
I had heard about yoni steaming online. It was much cheaper than booking a massage, so I decided to give it a try.
I had no idea how deeply it would affect me. As I settled over the steam, everything became quiet. My yoni opened in a way I had never experienced before. Not sexually, exactly. It was something deeper and more spacious than that.
I felt connected to myself. I could hardly believe it. I felt an unexpected and profound sense of peace.
The Keeper of Truth
As the months passed and I continued the practice, I discovered that my yoni was a keeper of truth.
She never led me astray.
She was never confused.
She never offered advice that was not astonishingly accurate.
Her voice was not loud or dramatic. She did not issue grand proclamations or deliver ten-point plans. She spoke in whispers, sensations, and gentle nudges. Sometimes her wisdom sounded like this:
Leah, this confusing moment is only one part of the story. The truth is, your path forward is easier than it seems.
She did not argue with me. She did not shame me. She simply returned me to what was true beneath the fear, noise, and complicated stories my mind had constructed.
I realized that this was a practice I never wanted to let slip away or become buried beneath the busyness of my life. That was when I decided to make yoni steaming my Full Moon ritual.
My Monthly Return to Myself
I now have a handy dandy yoni steam seat that folds out when I’m ready to steam. I hired an herbalist to create a curated blend of organic herbs specifically for peri-and post menopausal women. I’ve come a long way, baby.
Over the weeks, as I watch the moon grow fuller in the night sky, I know my yoni steam night is approaching.
I know there will soon be a time to become still and look within. It is a powerful practice, but it is also a beautifully simple one. I can count on it.
My monthly steam is not merely a “nice thing I occasionally do for myself.” It has become part of a larger suite of yoni care and body-based practices that have transformed my relationship with myself over time.
Yes, relationship. That’s exactly the correct description. My sexuality, body, emotions, spirituality, and inner wisdom no longer feel like separate rooms in the same house–I’m listening to them all, and my practices create integration.
My yoni is not just for sex. She is an altar of self-awareness. She is the anchor of my truth.
I know that sounds strange to Western ears. We live in a culture steeped in shame, silence, jokes, and taboos around women’s genitals. We are rarely taught to imagine the yoni as wise, sacred, or spiritually significant.
Many of us were barely taught to name her.
But beneath the shame, she is still there.
Listening.
Knowing.
Waiting for you to come home to Her.
Take Your Yoni Through a Year of the Moon
My recommendation to women is to take your yoni through a full year of the moon: Commit to steaming once each month and allow every Full Moon to offer you a different reflection.
Traditional Full Moon names are often connected to seasonal changes, animal life, harvests, and the rhythms of the natural world. Each one can become a doorway into a deeper relationship with your body.
July’s Full Moon, for example, is commonly called the Buck Moon. The name refers to the time of year when young male deer are growing new antlers, moving toward maturity and developing their quiet strength.
It offers a beautiful question for women, especially women over 50:
What are my quiet strengths? Where am I overlooking what is already emerging within me? What part of me is becoming stronger without needing applause, permission, or proof?
I cannot wait to ask my yoni those questions and hear what she has to say.
Every moon throughout the year carries another invitation. Another question. Another opportunity to become still enough to recognize the wisdom already living inside us.
Privacy and Sisterhood
If taking your yoni through a year of the moon sounds beautiful to you, you do not have to do it alone.
We gather online each month to steam in community.
For me, this offers the best of both worlds: privacy and sisterhood.
Because we meet online, each woman can control how private she wants her experience to be. We steam in our own homes, and cameras may remain off.
Yet we are not isolated.
We enter the ritual together. We reflect together. And afterward, there is a safe place to share whatever wisdom, insight, emotion, or quiet knowing has arisen.
You are alone with your body, but held by the circle.
That is the mystery of it.
And perhaps that is what so many of us have been longing for: a way to return to ourselves without having to return alone.
I’m Dakini Leah
I help women over 50 struggling with their sexuality understand what sacred sexuality is and reclaim their innate sensual natures so they can overcome anxiety and depression, discover their orgasmic potential, and create deeply intimate connections. Let’s connect. Call or text 970-462-9609.
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